Up the Down Road

Listen to this when you are sad

The night before, I was telling q that the best way to get rid of a tormenting thought was to replace it with another thought, any thought. Because the mind, like nature, abhors vacuum. I said this must be why they had invented mantras: to relieve you of your own mind. The next day I saw this: exactly what I had in mind.� It takes 67 minutes to complete the 10000 digits. I wish I speak Japanese so I can memorize it.�

Once I met a group of Japanese Buddhists in Ohio (only one of them was Japanese, all were artists of some kind, one was an artist and a pastry chef, most were gay) who believed in the power of chanting. Being the kind of person I was--partly because it felt strange to me to read out aloud in medieval Japanese, which I obviously didn't know, a text written in Chinese characters--but mostly because of the kind of person I was, I decided to read a passage from A Portrait of Artist as a Young Man instead. Not in the group, of course. There is something to be said about chanting. Especially when you do this at the top of your lung. It makes you a little foolish, but it scares away the invisible gremlins that fill the air, or at least lifts the dust of silence that begins to fall on your shoulders. You feel the soot on your inner walls fall away as language passes like a sonic power chimney sweeper.� �

p.s. By the way, I just noticed that this is my 666th post. I have to mention that I'm reading 2666 and it is a wonderful novel. In honor of RB and Pi and the devilish number I have arrived at, I'm thinking of stopping right here, making this my last post, even though, being Chinese, this number does not mean anything evil to me. In fact, it's considered a lucky number, though I don't believe in lucky numbers either. But everything that begins has an end. I've been feeling its coming for some time. I don't know if this has anything to do with RB's novel.

2666: A Novel

Roberto Bolano

A quote from the novel:

...And as far as coincidence is concerned, it's never a question of believing in it or not. The whole world is a coincidence. I had a friend who told me I was wrong to think that way. My friend said that the world isn't a coincidence for someone traveling by rail, even if the train should cross foreign lands, places the traveler will never see again in his life. And it isn't a coincidence for the person who gets up at six in the morning, exhausted, to go to work; for the person who has no choice but to get up and pile more suffering on the suffering he's already accumulated. Suffering is accumulated, said my friend, that's a fact, and the greater the suffering, the smaller the coincidence." "As if coincidence were a luxury?" asked Morini. �

So, for once, here's to the luxury of coincidence. �

done

clouds

this is what other people do

2:31 am
after much groaning and procrastinating, the paper is done and sent off. my eyes hurt from so much staring and lack of sleep. it's a very nice day, as you can see, but i hear rain outside now. i still have a lot to do tomorrow, but nothing particularly difficult.

Spring

spring

spill

haven't been out for two days and suddenly trees are budding. life spills out like ink all over the place. not particularly vivid or beautiful. but in its insipid halfheartedness it is still more dependable than many other things. such as my teeth. i need to quit something. shot these photos without looking (riding in a car). sometimes it's necessary. today especially felt the futility of my efforts. the paper is coming along but very slowly. the shorter it is the slower it goes, because it has to be more condensed. bad teeth.

Spring

spring

spill

haven't been out for two days and suddenly trees are budding. life spills out like ink all over the place. not particularly vivid or beautiful. but in its insipid halfheartedness it is still more dependable than many other things. such as my teeth. i need to quit something. shot these photos without looking (riding in a car). sometimes it's necessary. today especially felt the futility of my efforts. the paper is coming along but very slowly. the shorter it is the slower it goes, because it has to be more condensed. bad teeth.

work work work

shadow of orchid

another gorgeous day. but had to stay home to work on the paper. i hope to get a lot done today. let's see. had a very strange dream.

i like it that the blossoms look like arrows and the leaves resemble a head. something wild about it. whereas the red papercut is red and the basket plainly is.

work work work

shadow of orchid

another gorgeous day. but had to stay home to work on the paper. i hope to get a lot done today. let's see. had a very strange dream.

i like it that the blossoms look like arrows and the leaves resemble a head. something wild about it. whereas the red papercut is red and the basket plainly is.

It sings

.

Taken from a bus window. If I don't have so much to do, I'd feel like this. It is a beautiful day. Classes went well though, despite my lack of sleep. Now I'd better go make dinner. I'm starved.

It sings

.

Taken from a bus window. If I don't have so much to do, I'd feel like this. It is a beautiful day. Classes went well though, despite my lack of sleep. Now I'd better go make dinner. I'm starved.

Bright light

><

.

corridor ending in a mirror

I was out all day. Got a lot of errands done, including arranging for new checks to be picked up at the bank and inquiring about a p.o. box. Thank you, package thief, for adding variety and outdoor activities to my life. I wasn't aware that it's St. Patrick's Day, even after seeing people with green vests and green wigs (for some reason I thought they were rehearsing for St Patrick's Day, like St Patrick's Day cannot just happen without a dress rehearsal).   

Bright light

><

.

corridor ending in a mirror

I was out all day. Got a lot of errands done, including arranging for new checks to be picked up at the bank and inquiring about a p.o. box. Thank you, package thief, for adding variety and outdoor activities to my life. I wasn't aware that it's St. Patrick's Day, even after seeing people with green vests and green wigs (for some reason I thought they were rehearsing for St Patrick's Day, like St Patrick's Day cannot just happen without a dress rehearsal).   

Remember the muffin

Have I worked. Not enough, apparently. Capitalism sucks.

slit of sky

window

The good:

• Beautiful day.
• I received my package--the last open order. One of the items is a replacement of a lost item I ordered around the New Year. These photos were taken on the New Year's Eve. (I just finished the roll two weeks ago.) The New Year is cycling back, it seems.
• Finished The Lost City of Z (audio). A little let down at the end, when the answer is revealed by an American archeologist. Granted, to meet the archeologist you need to go to the jungle.   
• Now I'm going to eat a raspberry muffin and go to bed. Or maybe read a book with chicken pictures on the cover. 
  

Remember the muffin

Have I worked. Not enough, apparently. Capitalism sucks.

slit of sky

window

The good:

• Beautiful day.
• I received my package--the last open order. One of the items is a replacement of a lost item I ordered around the New Year. These photos were taken on the New Year's Eve. (I just finished the roll two weeks ago.) The New Year is cycling back, it seems.
• Finished The Lost City of Z (audio). A little let down at the end, when the answer is revealed by an American archeologist. Granted, to meet the archeologist you need to go to the jungle.   
• Now I'm going to eat a raspberry muffin and go to bed. Or maybe read a book with chicken pictures on the cover. 
  

odds and ends

a leaf

Because of all the problems I've had with packages, I've signed up for delivery notification at Amazon. So far I received two messages notifying me about packages I had already received. As it turns out, the messages were sent out at the end of the day, after the carrier had made all the rounds. A lot of sense this makes. But at least I'd know if I'm missing something.

I'm having a lot of pain on my lower back. I don't know what it is. Did I pull a muscle doing yoga? Is it because I sit all day? But I've been doing this for years, why does this happen to me now? I am wondering if I should see a doctor. I definitely need to see a dentist. But when do I have time for these things??

I love my hair stylist. If I have to leave this town, she will be on the top of the list of things I'll miss.

Another cold and gray day.

odds and ends

a leaf

Because of all the problems I've had with packages, I've signed up for delivery notification at Amazon. So far I received two messages notifying me about packages I had already received. As it turns out, the messages were sent out at the end of the day, after the carrier had made all the rounds. A lot of sense this makes. But at least I'd know if I'm missing something.

I'm having a lot of pain on my lower back. I don't know what it is. Did I pull a muscle doing yoga? Is it because I sit all day? But I've been doing this for years, why does this happen to me now? I am wondering if I should see a doctor. I definitely need to see a dentist. But when do I have time for these things??

I love my hair stylist. If I have to leave this town, she will be on the top of the list of things I'll miss.

Another cold and gray day.

QotD: DST

Daylight Savings began last night at 2 a.m. What's your favorite part about gaining an extra hour in your day? Least favorite?

Wait a second (or an hour, whatever). Did you say gaining an hour, Vox? Oh, you have no idea what it's like. Do we live on the same planet? Do you call y0urs the "earth"?

QotD: DST

Daylight Savings began last night at 2 a.m. What's your favorite part about gaining an extra hour in your day? Least favorite?

Wait a second (or an hour, whatever). Did you say gaining an hour, Vox? Oh, you have no idea what it's like. Do we live on the same planet? Do you call y0urs the "earth"?

Can't think of a title

chair & its shadow

orchid, orchid, orchid

The day is cold and wet. Not much daylight to save. Unhappy that at the end of the week I still have so much to do. And the next week? Doesn't look good. But the good news is, things will be better in two weeks. Or so I hope. 

Break=Days of Major Campaign.

Can't think of a title

chair & its shadow

orchid, orchid, orchid

The day is cold and wet. Not much daylight to save. Unhappy that at the end of the week I still have so much to do. And the next week? Doesn't look good. But the good news is, things will be better in two weeks. Or so I hope. 

Break=Days of Major Campaign.

Black and white

Daylight Saving Time? Do I really need that now?

Black and white

Daylight Saving Time? Do I really need that now?

some weird some beautiful

clipped from www.telegraph.co.uk A 101-year-old woman named Zhang Duifang is pictured with a tumour on her forehead in the shape of a horn, in Lushan Country, Henan Province, China clipped from www.telegraph.co.uk Guo Lianzhi, 93, performs the splits at her home in Changzhi, Shanxi province of China clipped from www.telegraph.co.uk Toby Elles from Lancaster displays a frying pan with an image of Jesus Christ on it, which he claims appeared after he fell asleep with a pan of bacon on the stove clipped from www.telegraph.co.uk A photo montage captured during a solar eclipse over the Marshall Islands in July 2009. The beautiful image shows the solar corona that makes up the sun's atmosphere in amazing detail as the sun passes behind the moon... clipped from www.telegraph.co.uk 2010 clipped from www.telegraph.co.uk A six-metre-high key sculpture by artist Jiri David on Franz Kafka Square in Prague, Czech Republic... clipped from www.telegraph.co.uk ...The sculpture is made from more than 85,000 keys, and commemorates the 20th anniversary of the Velvet Revolution clipped from www.telegraph.co.uk Car tyre-tracks make the shape of love-hearts in the snow at a car park in the western German city of Recklinghausen

some weird some beautiful

clipped from www.telegraph.co.uk A 101-year-old woman named Zhang Duifang is pictured with a tumour on her forehead in the shape of a horn, in Lushan Country, Henan Province, China clipped from www.telegraph.co.uk Guo Lianzhi, 93, performs the splits at her home in Changzhi, Shanxi province of China clipped from www.telegraph.co.uk Toby Elles from Lancaster displays a frying pan with an image of Jesus Christ on it, which he claims appeared after he fell asleep with a pan of bacon on the stove clipped from www.telegraph.co.uk A photo montage captured during a solar eclipse over the Marshall Islands in July 2009. The beautiful image shows the solar corona that makes up the sun's atmosphere in amazing detail as the sun passes behind the moon... clipped from www.telegraph.co.uk 2010 clipped from www.telegraph.co.uk A six-metre-high key sculpture by artist Jiri David on Franz Kafka Square in Prague, Czech Republic... clipped from www.telegraph.co.uk ...The sculpture is made from more than 85,000 keys, and commemorates the 20th anniversary of the Velvet Revolution clipped from www.telegraph.co.uk Car tyre-tracks make the shape of love-hearts in the snow at a car park in the western German city of Recklinghausen

Friday's sillies: Medvedev's photo vs. Putin's Painting, and more

clipped from news.xinhuanet.com clipped from en.hdhod.com SAINT PETERSBURG - A photograph taken by Russian President Dmitry Medvedev sold on Saturday for 1.2 million euros -- even more than the amount a painting by his predecessor Vladimir Putin fetched last year. The black-and-white photo of the Tobolsk Kremlin, or fortress, in western Siberia taken by Medvedev from a helicopter sold at auction for 51 million rubles (1.2 million euros, 1.7 million dollars). clipped from www.telegraph.co.uk Notice the confidence with which those curtains are drawn – how with each long stroke Putin never loses contact with the canvas until the of his loaded brush is dry. There isn't a wasted or unnecessary brushstroke and nothing childish or naïve about this picture.

What a talented bunch, world leaders. It's not enough that they are leading the world, they also take pictures from a helicopter and stare at the kitchen window and dream--and inadvertently make a shitload of money.

robot shopping assistant

Meet "Robovie-II" developed by Japanese robotics research institution ATR. It follows you (after greeting you first, of course), carries your basket for you, and reminds you of what you want to buy. So that the grocery store is twice as crowded.

This one I have no picture of because I can't imagine what kind of babies football (by which I mean soccer) stars and super models make together, and what they (the babies) would do when they grow up. I keep seeing someone with two flickering heads, the hair is long and straight on one of them and thick and curly on the other. The reason I see this slightly monstrous image is because, think of it, wouldn't it be a shame to have just one head when there are two perfect specimens to choose from? Which one would you leave out? (You can't have both straight and curly hair.) That's how unimaginable these lives are.

Friday's sillies: Medvedev's photo vs. Putin's Painting, and more

clipped from news.xinhuanet.com clipped from en.hdhod.com SAINT PETERSBURG - A photograph taken by Russian President Dmitry Medvedev sold on Saturday for 1.2 million euros -- even more than the amount a painting by his predecessor Vladimir Putin fetched last year. The black-and-white photo of the Tobolsk Kremlin, or fortress, in western Siberia taken by Medvedev from a helicopter sold at auction for 51 million rubles (1.2 million euros, 1.7 million dollars). clipped from www.telegraph.co.uk Notice the confidence with which those curtains are drawn – how with each long stroke Putin never loses contact with the canvas until the of his loaded brush is dry. There isn't a wasted or unnecessary brushstroke and nothing childish or naïve about this picture.

What a talented bunch, world leaders. It's not enough that they are leading the world, they also take pictures from a helicopter and stare at the kitchen window and dream--and inadvertently make a shitload of money.

robot shopping assistant

Meet "Robovie-II" developed by Japanese robotics research institution ATR. It follows you (after greeting you first, of course), carries your basket for you, and reminds you of what you want to buy. So that the grocery store is twice as crowded.

This one I have no picture of because I can't imagine what kind of babies football (by which I mean soccer) stars and super models make together, and what they (the babies) would do when they grow up. I keep seeing someone with two flickering heads, the hair is long and straight on one of them and thick and curly on the other. The reason I see this slightly monstrous image is because, think of it, wouldn't it be a shame to have just one head when there are two perfect specimens to choose from? Which one would you leave out? (You can't have both straight and curly hair.) That's how unimaginable these lives are.

Zhu Naizheng 朱乃正

草原长云

another 青海

寂静的湖

portrait

Zhu Naizheng 朱乃正

草原长云

another 青海

寂静的湖

portrait

Mail theft?

I did talk to the mail delivery woman and a neighbor. (No, my second package did not arrive.) Theft looks like a strong possibility. What should I do? A surveillance camera? Call the landlord and see if he has ideas? Any suggestions?

Gorgeous day. I have my window open! I wish I didn't have to work (and worry about my mail).

p.s. A little digging around on the net tells me that mail theft seems to be a real issue in this town. I had no idea. Now I remember that one day two letters came in with the envelopes open. I thought maybe they weren't  sealed properly. But it is a bit strange that this happened to two letters coming from two different places on the same day. Nothing is taken, as far as I can tell, but it could well be because they contained nothing that could be useful to anyone else. Now I feel paranoid.  

Mail theft?

I did talk to the mail delivery woman and a neighbor. (No, my second package did not arrive.) Theft looks like a strong possibility. What should I do? A surveillance camera? Call the landlord and see if he has ideas? Any suggestions?

Gorgeous day. I have my window open! I wish I didn't have to work (and worry about my mail).

p.s. A little digging around on the net tells me that mail theft seems to be a real issue in this town. I had no idea. Now I remember that one day two letters came in with the envelopes open. I thought maybe they weren't  sealed properly. But it is a bit strange that this happened to two letters coming from two different places on the same day. Nothing is taken, as far as I can tell, but it could well be because they contained nothing that could be useful to anyone else. Now I feel paranoid.  

Suspicion

I've been having trouble receiving packages lately. Either the post office here is incompetent or someone is stealing my mails. This is not a good situation. I hope my package (#2, the seller said she shipped it on Feb 17) arrive tomorrow. Because, really, do I have time to call postal inspection and file police report etc (options suggested to me when I called the post office)? The idea of the police scares me. More to the point: what can they do? I can't imagine they'd take something like this seriously. Maybe I should ask the neighbors to see if any of them has noticed anything or if this has ever happened to them.

But you know what? I still suspect the downstairs neighbor.

it's true i would not have seen it if i had headphone on

.

Suspicion

I've been having trouble receiving packages lately. Either the post office here is incompetent or someone is stealing my mails. This is not a good situation. I hope my package (#2, the seller said she shipped it on Feb 17) arrive tomorrow. Because, really, do I have time to call postal inspection and file police report etc (options suggested to me when I called the post office)? The idea of the police scares me. More to the point: what can they do? I can't imagine they'd take something like this seriously. Maybe I should ask the neighbors to see if any of them has noticed anything or if this has ever happened to them.

But you know what? I still suspect the downstairs neighbor.

it's true i would not have seen it if i had headphone on

.

Points

1. Backed up my computer. Last time I didn't do it in quite the right way. It took hours, but this time it went faster than I thought.
   
2. Try to find the missing package, but didn't get very far. I don't like the feeling that my mail could go missing. I hope this is an isolated incident. 
3. Started to work on my paper. Didn't go very far on that. The problem is always the same: how to fit a lot into a few pages. Streamlining is not my strong suit.
   
4. Yoga class makes me feel good and large.
   
5. But I am in a cranky mood anyway.
6. I need to go to bed earlier--that's the root of my crankiness: my schedule is too insane.
   
7. It's a nice day out there. But did I venture outside for even one minute? No. Well, I still can and may.
   
8. But I did start on some of the things I had been avoiding, such as the package and the computer. I hate spending precious day time (point 6) calling people, but if I don't I can never get hold of anyone.
9. Unless that is an outsourced someone.
   
10. Maybe the airline?
    
11. I am naturally in sync with outsourced times.
    
12. I feel worse when I'm on a short break: too much to do, at the same time, it's supposed to be a BREAK.
    
13. Maybe work makes a person happy?
14. I think not.  

one petal at a time

p.s.
Watched this. A little gem.

Bubble

Points

1. Backed up my computer. Last time I didn't do it in quite the right way. It took hours, but this time it went faster than I thought.
   
2. Try to find the missing package, but didn't get very far. I don't like the feeling that my mail could go missing. I hope this is an isolated incident. 
3. Started to work on my paper. Didn't go very far on that. The problem is always the same: how to fit a lot into a few pages. Streamlining is not my strong suit.
   
4. Yoga class makes me feel good and large.
   
5. But I am in a cranky mood anyway.
6. I need to go to bed earlier--that's the root of my crankiness: my schedule is too insane.
   
7. It's a nice day out there. But did I venture outside for even one minute? No. Well, I still can and may.
   
8. But I did start on some of the things I had been avoiding, such as the package and the computer. I hate spending precious day time (point 6) calling people, but if I don't I can never get hold of anyone.
9. Unless that is an outsourced someone.
   
10. Maybe the airline?
    
11. I am naturally in sync with outsourced times.
    
12. I feel worse when I'm on a short break: too much to do, at the same time, it's supposed to be a BREAK.
    
13. Maybe work makes a person happy?
14. I think not.  

one petal at a time

p.s.
Watched this. A little gem.

Bubble

Yesterday's flower

1.

2.

Yesterday's flower

1.

2.

Balancing acts

balancing act i

balancing act ii

Grading is always hard no matter what, even though this batch is excellent and I'm really pleased with them. It takes so much time. And the thought that it takes so much time makes me want to avoid it. The trick is to do it in small doses, which is not always possible.

This is a Sunday in the true sense of the word, but I didn't really take advantage of it. On weekends I become nocturnal. But I did move the orchid to the window and took two Polaroids. Then I moved the orchid back to the table, away from the window. Such a great feat of intentional arrangement. I tend to take pictures of things where they happen to be. Where they happen to be is usually where they first landed when they fell from the heaven. In my mind, there is something inviolable about the arbitrariness of life, a haphazardness that perhaps means more than I can comprehend and should therefore be left undisturbed.

I need to make some big decisions such as planning for maybe a trip back to China in the summer. I don't like to make those decisions. I don't like to book tickets. Things lurking in the back of my mind include:

• make summer plan;
• write a paper (this is actually at the forefront of my mind. I need to get this done this week);
• prepare tax documents;
• book a ticket for short trip in March (I'm avoiding this because I have to talk to an airline agent. I don't like to talk to airline agents);
• book another ticket for possibly June or July.

Almost all these things involve a) money; b) dates; c) people--all things I dread. I am not really cut out for modern life, that's for sure.

Finally, Sunday is for posting old songs:

�

Balancing acts

balancing act i

balancing act ii

Grading is always hard no matter what, even though this batch is excellent and I'm really pleased with them. It takes so much time. And the thought that it takes so much time makes me want to avoid it. The trick is to do it in small doses, which is not always possible.

This is a Sunday in the true sense of the word, but I didn't really take advantage of it. On weekends I become nocturnal. But I did move the orchid to the window and took two Polaroids. Then I moved the orchid back to the table, away from the window. Such a great feat of intentional arrangement. I tend to take pictures of things where they happen to be. Where they happen to be is usually where they first landed when they fell from the heaven. In my mind, there is something inviolable about the arbitrariness of life, a haphazardness that perhaps means more than I can comprehend and should therefore be left undisturbed.

I need to make some big decisions such as planning for maybe a trip back to China in the summer. I don't like to make those decisions. I don't like to book tickets. Things lurking in the back of my mind include:

• make summer plan;
• write a paper (this is actually at the forefront of my mind. I need to get this done this week);
• prepare tax documents;
• book a ticket for short trip in March (I'm avoiding this because I have to talk to an airline agent. I don't like to talk to airline agents);
• book another ticket for possibly June or July.

Almost all these things involve a) money; b) dates; c) people--all things I dread. I am not really cut out for modern life, that's for sure.

Finally, Sunday is for posting old songs:

�

Distraction

Sat down to work, thinking, "I'd like to have some of that chocolate we bought today."-->
Walked into the other room to get chocolate. Saw the orchid on the table, thinking, "That orchid looks interesting in that weird light (one light bulb burned out). I'll take some pictures."-->
Started taking pictures. Many pictures later, completely forgot why I came here. "Maybe I'll upload these and see how they turn out." -->
Walked back to the computer. Remembered chocolate. Remembered work. "Okay, maybe I shouldn't upload the photos now. I should work."-->
Sat down to work, thinking, "Why don't I blog about this? Very interesting phenomenon, isn't it?"

Okay, now I'm going to work, for real.      

Distraction

Sat down to work, thinking, "I'd like to have some of that chocolate we bought today."-->
Walked into the other room to get chocolate. Saw the orchid on the table, thinking, "That orchid looks interesting in that weird light (one light bulb burned out). I'll take some pictures."-->
Started taking pictures. Many pictures later, completely forgot why I came here. "Maybe I'll upload these and see how they turn out." -->
Walked back to the computer. Remembered chocolate. Remembered work. "Okay, maybe I shouldn't upload the photos now. I should work."-->
Sat down to work, thinking, "Why don't I blog about this? Very interesting phenomenon, isn't it?"

Okay, now I'm going to work, for real.      

Werner Herzog reads Madeline and others

Werner Herzog reads Madeline and others